I Surrender To Complacent: My Mom Existence


I won't lie to you.. It's been a rough few years. From the very moment I got pregnant with my second child, I was bitter. The very thought of my life being put on hold was horrific to me. So, I tried to combat that with thoughts of "No, I can still do it all" and "I'll keep working through pregnancy".

Yeah. That didn't happen.


I Surrender To Complacent: My Mom Existence

Little Miss Spunky had a different plan for me. Bed rest, bleeding, hyperemesis gravidarum, symphysis pubis dysfunction, and everything else I couldn't imagine. No.. I was definitely sitting life out during this pregnancy.

Again, though, I thought "Well, I'll still be able to go to school after the baby is born. Even if it's just online".

Nope. That didn't happen either. She has always been a handful and a half, so even online classes were near impossible. I didn't get to start that until she was almost a year old!  


My Life Had A Plan

I Surrender To Complacent: My Mom Existence
You see, just 6 months before I was pregnant with her, I had everything planned out. I had begun school and had a set track for where my life was going. After getting out of a bad (prior) marriage, I had decided that I wasn't going to be left stuck ever again. No matter the reason. I wasn't going to fully rely on a husband to be the sole provider (if I ever married again, that is). So even though my (now) husband and I had gotten married, I knew that I still wanted some sort of career. Something of my own.

Then I got pregnant. And I flunked out of my courses. I had to leave all (4) of my jobs (I was an overachiever lol). I had to stop everything. Everything. I can't quite describe how that feels.

So that was January 2014. In that time, my husband has graduated, had 2 jobs, several pay raises & promotions, and has settled nicely into his career. He's happy and we are financially settled. Even got ourselves a second vehicle! It's been really exciting.

Except it hasn't. I've been really uncomfortable with everything for a while & struggling with feeling complacent with how things are for me. I'm excited when my husband tells me how well he's doing at work, and yet I still have this feeling of resentment. I still feel upset. I haven't been able to pinpoint why though... until recently.

My Mom Existence Wasn't Anticipated

My life has plateaued at motherhood. Mind you, I have no problem being a mom. That's all I did for the first several years of my oldest daughter's life. I focused on raising her. But I had no other plans at that time. I was young and in a terrible situation and really just focused on my day-to-day existence. But now? I have a plan..or, at least, I had one.

My kids are my world. But what if that world starts feeling a bit too small? I feel like I'm Belle in the meadow, just dying to have some adventure and something that is for me again...

Tonight I was watching a live video on Instagram and she was talking about the ability to surrender to a current situation that you are in. It doesn't mean that you are just giving up, with a big 'ole "OH WELL". It means that you are submitting yourself to how things are at this moment. Not stressing yourself with it anymore. Not burdening yourself with the "what ifs" and "if I could just..".

I Surrender To Complacent: My Mom Existence Time To Surrender

Just surrender. Let it be.

I decided tonight that, that is what I'm going to do. I need to be comfortable right now. I need to feel complacent. I need to feel content. I need to accept that right now, in this moment, this is where life is. I need to be able to surrender to the growth & success my husband is experiencing, as it is beneficial for this family. I need this.

Mom life can be difficult at times. For one reason or another. I love my girls so much and I love raising kids. But I can't do everything and I think eventually, I'm going to need something else to add.

But for right now, I am going to surrender and allow a complacent life. For me. For my husband. For my kids.

7 comments

  1. Raising your kids is THE most important job there is. I put aside my career to do it. I wasn't great but I gave it my all because they deserved no less. It was hard because it was outside my skill set and there are no instructions to help you through the hard times. True it hurt my employment opportunities but the result is to terrific young men that make me so proud and full of love.

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  2. what an honest and frank post. I admire you for picking yourself up and getting back out there though.

    Hannah @ The Northern Writes | www.thenorthernwrites.co.uk

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  3. I feel that everybody has these ideas of what they're going to be like, and then BAM the kid comes along and everything changes. Even with a 2nd or 3rd it'll be different; different temperaments and all that. The key is though to enjoy the moment. I wouldn't necessarily call it complacent; more... content with the present?

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  4. it's a brave thing to even just surrender those thoughts and feelings to the world .. and i think that's a wonderful start!

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  5. I dont have kids. I've learned over the years sometimes you just have to accept, but boy it's hard!

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  6. So beautifully written. I'm sure this has been a challenging and also, rewarding journey. I can't believe you were working 4 jobs and going to school! Wow! But, I agree that we can't do everything and sometimes we have to make tough choices. Best of luck with the rest of your journey!

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  7. Thank you so much for a candid view of you. I can honestly say you are not alone. No, I have not been in your exact situation, but I am currently a stay at home Mom watching my husbands career blossom. SO I understand where you are coming from. I too will surrender to the now, because I know there is more for me also. This really encouraging for me. Thank you.

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