Please Excuse Me While I Allow My Child Their "Tantrum"

Saturday, December 23, 2017

To The Person Staring,

Why, yes, my daughter is screaming right now. How nice of you to notice. Yes, she is screaming and demanding that I get her a new toy. I am aware.

How kind it is of you to stare at her. I know she certainly appreciates the attention since, of course, this "tantrum" is just an attention-seeking behavior, right? Thank you so much for accommodating.

Please Excuse Me While I Allow My Child Their "Tantrum"

I know the thoughts that are going on in your head right now..
"How could she let her child cry on the ground like that?"
"What a bratty child."
"My kid(s) would never get by with that."
"I'd smack my kid before I let that happen."
"She needs to not bring her child in public if she can't control them."

I know these are the types of thoughts you have, because these are the types of things that I, and many others, have heard regarding our children. Our beautiful, intelligent, passionate children that just can't communicate and experience feelings the way that you wish them to.

Normally, I'm sure you receive an apology or even an apologetic/embarrassed look from the parent you are glaring at. Unfortunately, I have no apology to give. I am not apologetic. Not to you or any other person with the unnecessary glare to give.

I won't even try to explain to you why my child is behaving this way. I won't bother to look for your approval or empathy, as I know that I don't need it. Neither does my child. I will not be distracted by your silent opinion..not in this moment. No, in this moment, this very real moment that my child is experiencing, I will not give attention to you.

You see, my child is going to need my attention here very soon. As the special girl that she is, she created an exciting moment in her head when she saw that toy. She imagined herself getting it, and playing with it, and how wonderful it would be. She imagined the joy she would have if I got it for her. She played out her future happiness, in the few seconds before she asked "Can I have this?". Today, I had to say no, as all parents must do at times. So all of that hope and joy was crushed, just moments after it was created. She cannot see happiness right now, as all of the happiness that was waiting for her with that toy, is now gone.

Please Excuse Me While I Allow My Child Their "Tantrum"
Cuddles in our Kinderpack help calm her
This is the way her brain works. This is how strong her emotions are. There is nothing wrong with it, it is just different than what you are accustomed to. Fortunately, that isn't our problem. If I were to try and interfere with her having her "tantrum" (as others like to call it), I would upset her more. What would be the point in that? She needs to experience her feelings, as she is human, and this is how she knows how. Slowly, and with maturity, these "tantrums" will no longer happen. But she isn't there yet. That's okay.

So I will not give attention to you or any other onlookers at this time. For when my child is ready to come back out of her sorrow and get all the hugs, kisses, and understanding she needs, I will be here. As I always am. As I always will be. As the glaring eyes pass us, day in and out, I will be here, providing whatever it is that she needs.

Because she is my world.

Not you.


A Loving Mama

These thoughts and many others are constantly in the minds of a special needs mama.

Have you ever experienced something like this? Share in the comments!


  1. Wonderful. Coukdn't have said it better myself. Everyone is so full of comments or 'helpful' advice. Good for you and your daughter. X

    1. True story. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. I just think.... maybe people should try to consider what *could* be going on, instead of coming to a quick assumption. As though what they *think* is the gospel.

  2. Good for you! You certainly don’t have to answer to anyone but your baby girl.

  3. This is an awesome read! I totally understand where you are coming from. Kids need to experience their feelings and it seems as though some adults that are encountered in town forgot they were once a kid and they also cried in the public. Everyone did at some point. Children of today should not be expected to act older than they are or should they not be allowed to express their feelings.

  4. About three weeks ago we was waiting on airport for our plane and my son wanted to go outside to see a plane and he couldn't understand that wee need to wait in a queue and he was crying so loud and people was looking on us like we were a people from different planet

    1. That is so tough! I've learned to ignore the stares/looks. It makes it pretty easy if I am just focusing my attention on my daughter lol. But as someone with social anxiety, it's a hard thing to fight off.

  5. I can't relate to this as I don't have a special needs child BUT I do know how those looks can feel. I have 2 hyper toddlers who throw tantrums ALOT in public, and it is HARD. I am super sensitive and I went through a phase of being sooo affected and embarassed by the looks but now I try to brush it off as this is part of motherhood and whoever is looking has probably gone through or is about to go through that experience!


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