Why Special Needs Moms Need A Village

Sunday, July 21, 2019

As mother's, we are constantly reminded of the need for a "village". Those people that are there for you to support you through ups and downs of motherhood. Those people that are there to celebrate your accomplishments and comfort you through your fails. It's really important to have that in your life, especially when raising children.

What about when your child has special needs? Is there a "village" for that, and is it even worth pursuing?

A preschool aged boy in a bright green shirt standing next to a preschool aged girl in a Minnie Mouse shirt. Cinderella's castle is in the background.
Photo by Ashley Bickerstaff Photography
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I will say, while raising my eldest, I didn't feel the need for this. My family was enough. I also didn't feel as overwhelmed by her needs.. her needs seemed easier to accommodate, than my youngest's. Maybe I was just entirely naive. Who knows. But as time has gone on, I have felt the overwhelming need to have that "village", because being a special needs mom is not like being a "regular" mom.

The "normal" mom village may have get-togethers, hugs, chatting, and a snack tray, with maybe the occasional mess. The special needs mom "village" is entirely different... It's a war zone, with a full on medical unit!

  • We have sensory bins, weighted vests and blankets, and gauze, for the
    many injuries.
  • We also know the best hospital and urgent care to go to in a 50 mile radius, who will accommodate your child.
  • We have binders with phone numbers and "higher up" government officials to contact when we're not heard. 
  • We have lists of tried and true medical facilities to go to, and 1000 reviews on the ones to avoid and why. 
  • We understand that a good review of anything medical, is not based on "Their secretary was so nice!" and is actually based on whether the problems were heard and addressed. 
  • We have lists for the "best of" whatever you need (toothpaste, juice, clothes, park, etc.) all based on sensory needs.
  • We know the food that doesn't have food coloring, high fructose corn syrup, and is gluten/dairy free, and usually have it packed with us and plenty to share!
  • We carry several changes of outfits/underwear for our kids, and probably even have some for your kid, if they have one too many accidents!
  • We always have wipes/sanitzer. Always. We also probably have a change of clothes for ourself, cuz ya know you're gonna need it.
  • We don't worry about brushed hair. Because that's not worth the screams. We also don't care if you've done up your face/hair/or even bathed in the past couple of days, cuz who has time?
  • Those bruises on your arms and legs? Yeah, we don't really question that. We have them too (thanks kids who like to kick).
  • Screaming kid? We don't hear it anymore. That's like a bird chirping.
  • Except the "I got hurt" scream..That one we know, and we know it well. And every specia needs mom will jump to help with that scream.
  • Need to call and vent about how you "just can't do it anymore"? No judgement, mama. Same. Same....
A curly, red headed mom in a green shirt standing with her two daughters, who are wearing Minnie Mouse shirts.
Photo by Ashley Bickerstaff Photography

Needless to say, our village is different. There may be some similarities, but as a blanket statement, it is different. Once you're in this village, there's no going back. Because there is nowhere else for us that is going to offer all of this. And all of this is necessary. Not to mention, our village creates wonderful friendships for our "different" kids, to be able to to create their own village as they grow!

It does "take a village" to help... And I'm super thankful for mine.

A preschool aged boy in a bright green shirt standing next to a preschool aged girl in a Minnie Mouse shirt. Cinderella's castle is in the background. Photo reads "Why Special Needs Moms Need A Village"


  1. It's so harrowing to find support out there, especially for first time moms. I hope this helps encourage others to reach out, and be part of the community, especially as a special needs mom.

  2. Having a village is an amazing thing. Thanks for sharing this with us!!!


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